A New Year...

It's January so that means a new set of resolutions... things we promise to change, do more of, do less of, stop doing altogether, etc.  Year after year, I make resolutions, from the serious to the silly... and I'm not sure I've ever lasted more than a couple of months at the most.

So for 2015, I have come up with a list of things I would "like" to do this year.  Is that the wussy way out?  Perhaps.  But, I don't know about you, but I am tired at failing at my resolutions.  Somehow, even with the best intentions, life usually gets in the way.  So, I decided to list things I would like to do/accomplish for 2015 – sorta like a bucket list…

1.     Continue on my path to wellness and a more healthy lifestyle

2.     Experience new adventures in activity

3.     Decide what I want to be when I grow up… and what it’s gonna take for me to get there

4.     Love more

5.     Live life to the fullest

Now here’s what I’m thinking for the first two.  The rest will be discussed later.

1.     Continue on my path to wellness and a more healthy lifestyle… 2014 was not a good year for my scale.  My weight pretty much stayed where it had been in 2013… until around October when I somehow gained 10 pounds.  Seriously, I don’t know how it happened – my eating habits didn’t change, I wasn’t drinking more than normal, exercise was going as it always had… Hmmm maybe there is my answer!  I’ve started 2015 with a 21-day sugar detox to jumpstart some weight loss (and lost 4 pounds in first week).  No sugar, no articificial sweeteners, limited carbs to whole grains (and pretzels – I can’t give up pretzels for some unknown reason), and (here’s the biggie) NO ALCOHOL!  Made it through my first week without any major slippage – I did add a few drops of Mio to my water.  Even went out with friends Saturday night and no alcohol at all!  What’s going to happen after the 21 days?  Good question… stay tuned

2.     Experience new adventures in activity…The gym is my friend.  I really do enjoy going to the gym and working out – once I get there.  I’ve changed up my workout routines throughout the year, but am still looking for that magical regimen that will burn 500 calories in 30 minutes and sculpt beautiful abs, arms and thighs….LOL.  My thought for this one is to add a new fitness related activity each month – this month, I’m trying some new classes at the gym, including yoga.  I like what I’ve tried so far – my biggest obstacle is the time of the classes – none are before 6 pm, which for me is my down time.  I like working out first thing in the morning or on my way home from work, around 4:30.  Once I get home, you need a cattle prod to get me back out of the house for anything, let alone a workout.  But I’m gonna try.  Maybe I’ll find a class that I absolutely love and nothing will stop me!  Next month… I’m gonna overcome my aversion to the elliptical machine.

What are your resolutions or goals for the year?  

Hmmm....

Last week, it was time for my annual “girlie” exam – you women know what I’m talking about right?  I’m talking two-parter – one above the waist and one below, if you catch my drift.  

I was thinking how different my conversations with my doctor are now that I am nearing (whisper) 50.  When I first started with this doctor, I was in my mid-late 30’s and she would always ask about any concerns I might have about sex, birth control, etc.  As I moved into my 40’s, the discussion centered on my need to lose weight, etc.  Once I lost some weight, the discussion was on what type of birth control was best for a woman “of my age.”  However, this time, the primary point of discussion was menopause – how they will check it once I turn 50, what to expect, etc.  No discussion on sex, birth control, etc. – basically the message was “You are getting old…”

Next up was the Boobie Check.A few years ago, at my first exam post 80 pound weight loss, I had some spots show up in my left boobie (Lillie loves that word).  Had to go have a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound.  Turns out it was just dense tissue from the redistribution of my weight (which really means the loss of boob fat).  But, since I had that show up, I now have to have the diagnostic mammo each year, rather than the one at the Gyno office.

Today, I got a phone call from the doctor’s office that they found some spots on my right boob – probably just dense tissue again, but I have to go back in for another mammo and ultrasound next week to be sure.  Last time this happened, I worked myself up into a tizzy only to be told it was a side effect of losing weight (not too many of those actually – at least not as many as the side effects of gaining weight).

However, in the years since that time, my Mother In Law was diagnosed with breast cancer and had a double mastectomy. Plus, it is “Pink” month so everywhere you look you see Breast Cancer Awareness everything.  So, now – even though the logical side of my brain is saying not to fret – I feel another tizzy coming on.

I’ve always been fairly healthy – yes, obese and overweight – but healthy – no major diseases, no need for surgeries (broken ankle and lap band is it), I don’t even get sick very often.  I never really think about how fortunate I am that this is the case.  In fact, other than my Mother in Law (who is cancer free and doing great now BTW), no one in my immediate family has any real health issues.  It will really piss me off if I have done everything I can do to improve my health and this turns out to be something other than dense tissue!

I’m not writing this to get sympathy or anything like that – but, I think it’s important that we all take a moment to think about our health.  Are we doing everything possible to stay healthy?  Everyone “feeling their boobies” on a regular basis?  Are the men in our lives getting all of their fun exams as they should be?  Yes, I know there are things that none of us can prevent, but if we are doing everything we can (and should be doing) to ward off the things that we have a bit of control over, then maybe – just maybe – it will make us better able to deal with these unwanted, uncontrollable occurrences.

And so it goes...

My mind wanders…is that an aging thing? Perhaps – but my mind has always wandered… Maybe I have a touch of ADD… maybe I just don’t have the personal commitment to stay focused on one thing at a time.  Maybe I’m too impatient (well, there’s no Maybe there – I am very impatient)… Most likely, it’s a combination of factors that lead me to constantly jump from one project to another, from one idea to another…

I am notorious for starting a major project at home and not finishing it.  Changing seasonal clothes for instance.  Once I get all the boxes out, I realize I need to clean my closet out too… which means dragging everything out and piling it on my bed.  Then, I start with great intentions of putting everything away where it should go, removing all the things I don’t or can’t wear anymore, etc.  Halfway through, I realize I need to do a load of laundry… on the way to the laundry room, I see that the mail came so I go get it… then I decide to make some iced tea…when I finally make it back to the bedroom and the closet mess, I have zero motivation to finish it so I end up just putting everything away and shutting the door….or move things from the bed to the top of my dresser to get to them later.  But later never comes…I think you get the picture.

Similar situation at work.  Lots to do on my To-Do list.  Every morning I look at the list and prioritize it.  At the end of the day, I realize that nothing (or very few things) are checked off.  I started on several things and responded to other requests and needs from people… or my mind wandered and I spent too much time chatting, etc.  

I am also the type of person who wants to do a lot of research on a product or service or way of doing something… Pinterest, Google, YouTube, etc… all get a lot of use when I’m looking at something new – a new phone for instance.  I will read 17,000 reviews, look at videos, read about how to use it and what great things it will do.  I can tell you the differences between phones and why one is better than another.  I will finally come to the conclusion of which one I want and then – BOOM – someone mentions one I hadn’t considered…and the process starts all over again.

I waste a lot of time.

I am also very impatient.  When I want something, I want it now.  A lot of that stems from all the research and planning that I put in (see above)…but also, I just don’t like waiting for something.  Whether it’s changing phones or going on a vacation – I want it NOW!  

Same is true for my weightloss journey… When I have an especially grueling session at the gym, I expect to see results.  In my mind, I know that is ridiculous and instant results just don’t happen.  But, I still want them.  And when I don’t see the results immediately, I get discouraged.  That’s why I start off each week with the best of intentions – I’m going to workout hard every day, journal all my food intake, only eat healthy foods, etc.  By Wednesday (if I make it that long), I’m frustrated cause the scale isn’t budging or I put on a pair of pants that aren’t as loose as I’d like and I’m back to square one.  It’s silly, I know that.  I know that the changes I am making have had a life-changing effect on my health and longevity.  I know that – but I still want instant results!

Damn, I’m a needy, impatient, easily distractible person – a real joy to be around!

  

And later that same life

OK... So I totally forgot about this blog.... I had great intentions when I started it over 3 years ago to use it to journal my efforts at losing weight and getting into shape... Oopsy!  Funny how life gets in the way sometimes!

This morning on my way to work, I decided I wanted to become a Blogger... I don't know why.  I'm not even sure anyone would be interested in reading about my life - or that I am even interested in reading about my life.  But I see this as a way to express myself and if it can make just one person smile by reading it, that's good enough for me.

Mini-rant... I am not forcing anyone to read my posts...they are just meant to be a fun glimpse into my life, specifically in dealing with getting ready to turn 50 in less than two years.  If you don't like what I have to say, by all means, don't read it.  Constructive criticisms are fine - but if you are going to leave mean or nasty comments, I just ask you to not bother even reading my posts.  I see so many people on YouTube and blog posts whoa re just sharing things that are happening in their lives and the comments they get from so many people are just downright mean.  I'm a firm believer that if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all...

Rant over...

OK.. so why am I sharing with you (whoever "you" may be)???  I realized the other day that I am pretty darn close to turning 50.  I don't know why that popped in my head, but it did.  Am I looking forward to reaching that milestone?  Well, yes and no.  Yes because that means that I'm still on this side of the dirt, which is good.  No because...50 seems so OLD!!!

I think that is one reason I have been making life changes over the past few years.  I have lost about 80 pounds - but the weight hasn't changed in almost 2 years.  I am in better physical shape than I ever have been - who would've thought just two years ago that I would be able to walk more than a mile without feeling like I wanted to die.  Now I regularly do 1-2 miles on the treadmill + strength training 4 days a week.  And I just completed my third 5K mud obstacle course/run.  Granted, I didn't run and my fear of heights prevented me from climbing the 6 ft walls... but I finished all of them with no injuries.  Am I sore, well of course I am - I think that is just my body's way of reminding me that yes, I am 48 years old!

Losing weight has also brought other losses, too - I no longer have sleep apnea, high blood pressure, high cholesterol and am no longer borderline diabetic.  I don't take any medications, other than ibuprofen and vitamins and no longer have to wear a CPAP machine when I sleep.

The biggest loss from my getting-in-better-shape plan?  The loss of stores like Lane Bryant!!!  I may not be in the size I want to be in and there are some things that just don't fit me well... but I can shop pretty much anywhere I want to without having to make sure they have a plus-size department.  In most cases, the sizes I buy are NOT the largest ones in the store and there are so many more options out there!

There are so many other little things that have come from this new body... I can sit with my legs crossed and not be uncomfortable.  I can snuggle with Lillie on the couch without pushing her off with my body.  Ken and I can fit comfortably in my little flip flop car without crowding each other out.  I can bend over and pick stuff up off the ground without wondering if I can get back up.  These are things that people who have not had a weight problem sometimes take for granted.  I am still amazed everytime I sit on the couch with my feet curled up under me to read - something my "before" body could never do.

There are a lot of people who have helped make this possible - my hubby and Bestie have been so encouraging and motivating every step of the way.  My daughter's compliments mean more than she will ever know.  But, I know in my heart that the only person who made this happen was ME!  I made the decision to have weight loss surgery.  I could have easily just let the surgery do it's magic and be done with it.  But I know there is no magic - and I am the one who made the commitment to add exercise to my life.  Yes, I still have my Reese's more often than I should and there are days when I just don't go to the gym cause I don't want to.  But, those are decisions that I make - no one is pressuring me to do or not do anything.

So physically at least, I am going into my next decade in way better shape than I ever thought I would be. But mentally?????

Preparing for Surgery..aka..how many "Last Meals" can I eat?????

OK... so surgery is less than 3 weeks away!  Have my final doctor's appointment this afternoon to get my Pulmonary clearance.  All my paperwork has been sent in and I will be all set. 

My problem is I can't get over this feeling that I need to eat everything and anything I see now!  I've done really well in weaning off my diet cokes and caffeine (one a day now - and several days of no diet cokes at all).  But everytime I eat I think... well, better enjoy this - won't be able to have it again!  I'm going to blow up like a balloon in the next two weeks if I'm not careful!

I made a conscious decision not to tell a lot of people that I was having the surgery - just didn't want everyone knowing all my business... and I know a lot of people think that this is taking the easy way out.  But really, I don't see it as being any different than doing weight watchers or Nutrisystem, etc. - it's a tool and if I don't use the tool in the way it was intended, I'm not going to lose weight.  The biggest difference I see is that this tool makes it a little harder to "cheat".  But I know from going through this with my hubby that it is possible (and quite easy I might add) to gain weight with a lapband!

The other day my BFF told me that I was her motivation - I've never been anyone's motivation for anything before!  Maybe that's an extra added benefit that I didn't count on - but if we can motivate each other and be a support to each other throughout this journey, I'm all for it! 

Stay tuned...

Beginning My Journey

So... I forgot to mention in my background post that I have dealt with weight issues almost my entire life!  Honestly, I don't remember a time I wasn't overweight, although I have seen pictures from my childhood and apparently I wasn't a fat kid!

But for as long as I can remember (at from middle school age on), I have been self-conscious about my weight - and my self-esteem has suffered because of it.  I'd lose weight from one diet or another and then it would come back on. Growing up, family dinners were a part of my life - and they weren't exactly healthy by today's standards - bread was served at every meal (even if it was just plain ol white bread with butter) and a meal wasn't complete without potatoes or some other starch.  I've always enjoyed salads and veges, but obviously, not as much as I should have!  Evenings were spent watching tv with popcorn or chips and dessert (but with diet soda).

As an adult, I've tried to lose weight.  Weight Watchers, Atkins, low-fat, low-carb, the list goes on and on.  But it always comes back and likes to bring it's friends with it.  Today I am at my heaviest weight ever (but I'm not saying what that is).

My husband was also overweight, which didn't help matters.  We would diet together until one of us would give up.  But about 2 1/2 years ago, he decided to make a change - and had the lapband surgery.  It was a struggle the first year for him, but something clicked after his one year bandiversary and he's now lost over 130 pounds!  He looks and feels terrific and has given me the motivation to do it too! 

Don't get me wrong, I don't ever anticipate anyone calling me skinny...but I need to be healthier - get off the meds for high blood pressure, high cholesterol, high blood sugar and be able to enjoy all the things life has to offer.  My goal is to lose 100-135 pounds. 

So last year I attended the informational seminar and met with the surgeon who did DH's surgery (Dr. Gellar in Louisville).  Insurance required me to have 6 months of physician monitored weight loss attempts... so I started those monthly visits in July.  The last one was in December so I got all my paperwork turned in and went for my consultation at the weight management center on Jan 18.  They told me they would send everything to Dr. Gellar and touch base with his office at the end of the following week.

So imagine my surprise when I got a call from Dr. Gellar's office on the 21st telling me everything had been approved and I was scheduled for surgery on 2/22/11!!!!  I literally jumped for joy!

Last week was my pre-op testing and this week I've been cleared by the cardiologist and have the last appointment with the pulmonologist on Thursday for clearance.  After that, it will be just waiting - something I'm not very good at!

For the past week, I've been watching every YouTube video I can find from others who have gone through this journey and have been so inspired!  It's not the easy way out that so many people think it is... it's simply a tool to help me achieve my goals.  I know it's not going to be easy - I have seen what my hubby has gone through, as well as friends who have had the procedure... but if the past couple of years have taught me anything, they've taught me that things will only change if I make them change!  I have to take the chance and put myself out there!

Stay tuned...

A Little Background....

This is a first for me.... deciding to share my story and my journey for all the world to see (well, those who find me anyway).  Thought I'd start with just a little background on me...

I've been married to the most wonderful husband for over 21 years - something I'm very proud of!  We met in 1985 and have been together ever since...He is my rock!  We don't always see eye-to-eye on everything, but he's the only one I want to have next to me everynight.  I can't imagine how my life would've turned out without him.

In 1998, we expanded our family with our beautiful daughter.  She is the joy of our lives.  She's 12 now and we are getting to now experience why my mom always said "just wait till you have kids of your own"!  Although, for the most part, she is a good good girl.  Frustrating at times, but a good girl.

For most of my life I have been content to do things they way they should be done - nothing extraordinary and nothing extreme.  Our life was comfortable and good - with a group of friends that had been around forever that we did everything with.  Then, a couple of years ago, I started feeling like there was something else out there for me.  I had made a major career switch back in 2007 - after 15 years of fundraising and nonprofit management, I decided I really just didn't like asking people for money.  So I took a position as a project manager for a technology company and found that I liked the position (but not really the company).  Around this same time, I found myself pulling further and further away from the friends I'd had forever. 

Boredom?  maybe.  But more than anything, I discovered that we really just didn't have a lot in common anymore - and the longer I didn't do anything about it, the more miserable I became.  So hubby and I decided to venture out and meet some new friends, much to the chagrin of our old buddies, and we haven't looked back! 

Last year I decided to take a real plunge and leave the security of my job to go to work for a friend of mine who was starting a new venture.  Talk about scary!  And I'd like to say it's gotten less scary over the past year, but that's not true.  We are dependent on other people to get things done and it's taken longer than expected.  But we do see the light at the end of the tunnel and I'm confident it is not a train!

So that's a little background on me and my life.  Kinda like a prologue... the real story is just beginning...stay tuned!