Monday, October 20, 2014

Hmmm....


Last week, it was time for my annual “girlie” exam – you women know what I’m talking about right?  I’m talking two-parter – one above the waist and one below, if you catch my drift.  

I was thinking how different my conversations with my doctor are now that I am nearing (whisper) 50.  When I first started with this doctor, I was in my mid-late 30’s and she would always ask about any concerns I might have about sex, birth control, etc.  As I moved into my 40’s, the discussion centered on my need to lose weight, etc.  Once I lost some weight, the discussion was on what type of birth control was best for a woman “of my age.”  However, this time, the primary point of discussion was menopause – how they will check it once I turn 50, what to expect, etc.  No discussion on sex, birth control, etc. – basically the message was “You are getting old…”

Next up was the Boobie Check.A few years ago, at my first exam post 80 pound weight loss, I had some spots show up in my left boobie (Lillie loves that word).  Had to go have a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound.  Turns out it was just dense tissue from the redistribution of my weight (which really means the loss of boob fat).  But, since I had that show up, I now have to have the diagnostic mammo each year, rather than the one at the Gyno office.

Today, I got a phone call from the doctor’s office that they found some spots on my right boob – probably just dense tissue again, but I have to go back in for another mammo and ultrasound next week to be sure.  Last time this happened, I worked myself up into a tizzy only to be told it was a side effect of losing weight (not too many of those actually – at least not as many as the side effects of gaining weight).

However, in the years since that time, my Mother In Law was diagnosed with breast cancer and had a double mastectomy. Plus, it is “Pink” month so everywhere you look you see Breast Cancer Awareness everything.  So, now – even though the logical side of my brain is saying not to fret – I feel another tizzy coming on.

I’ve always been fairly healthy – yes, obese and overweight – but healthy – no major diseases, no need for surgeries (broken ankle and lap band is it), I don’t even get sick very often.  I never really think about how fortunate I am that this is the case.  In fact, other than my Mother in Law (who is cancer free and doing great now BTW), no one in my immediate family has any real health issues.  It will really piss me off if I have done everything I can do to improve my health and this turns out to be something other than dense tissue!

I’m not writing this to get sympathy or anything like that – but, I think it’s important that we all take a moment to think about our health.  Are we doing everything possible to stay healthy?  Everyone “feeling their boobies” on a regular basis?  Are the men in our lives getting all of their fun exams as they should be?  Yes, I know there are things that none of us can prevent, but if we are doing everything we can (and should be doing) to ward off the things that we have a bit of control over, then maybe – just maybe – it will make us better able to deal with these unwanted, uncontrollable occurrences.




And so it goes...


My mind wanders…is that an aging thing? Perhaps – but my mind has always wandered… Maybe I have a touch of ADD… maybe I just don’t have the personal commitment to stay focused on one thing at a time.  Maybe I’m too impatient (well, there’s no Maybe there – I am very impatient)… Most likely, it’s a combination of factors that lead me to constantly jump from one project to another, from one idea to another…

I am notorious for starting a major project at home and not finishing it.  Changing seasonal clothes for instance.  Once I get all the boxes out, I realize I need to clean my closet out too… which means dragging everything out and piling it on my bed.  Then, I start with great intentions of putting everything away where it should go, removing all the things I don’t or can’t wear anymore, etc.  Halfway through, I realize I need to do a load of laundry… on the way to the laundry room, I see that the mail came so I go get it… then I decide to make some iced tea…when I finally make it back to the bedroom and the closet mess, I have zero motivation to finish it so I end up just putting everything away and shutting the door….or move things from the bed to the top of my dresser to get to them later.  But later never comes…I think you get the picture.

Similar situation at work.  Lots to do on my To-Do list.  Every morning I look at the list and prioritize it.  At the end of the day, I realize that nothing (or very few things) are checked off.  I started on several things and responded to other requests and needs from people… or my mind wandered and I spent too much time chatting, etc.  

I am also the type of person who wants to do a lot of research on a product or service or way of doing something… Pinterest, Google, YouTube, etc… all get a lot of use when I’m looking at something new – a new phone for instance.  I will read 17,000 reviews, look at videos, read about how to use it and what great things it will do.  I can tell you the differences between phones and why one is better than another.  I will finally come to the conclusion of which one I want and then – BOOM – someone mentions one I hadn’t considered…and the process starts all over again.

I waste a lot of time.

I am also very impatient.  When I want something, I want it now.  A lot of that stems from all the research and planning that I put in (see above)…but also, I just don’t like waiting for something.  Whether it’s changing phones or going on a vacation – I want it NOW!  

Same is true for my weightloss journey… When I have an especially grueling session at the gym, I expect to see results.  In my mind, I know that is ridiculous and instant results just don’t happen.  But, I still want them.  And when I don’t see the results immediately, I get discouraged.  That’s why I start off each week with the best of intentions – I’m going to workout hard every day, journal all my food intake, only eat healthy foods, etc.  By Wednesday (if I make it that long), I’m frustrated cause the scale isn’t budging or I put on a pair of pants that aren’t as loose as I’d like and I’m back to square one.  It’s silly, I know that.  I know that the changes I am making have had a life-changing effect on my health and longevity.  I know that – but I still want instant results!

Damn, I’m a needy, impatient, easily distractible person – a real joy to be around!




  

Monday, May 19, 2014

And later that same life

OK... So I totally forgot about this blog.... I had great intentions when I started it over 3 years ago to use it to journal my efforts at losing weight and getting into shape... Oopsy!  Funny how life gets in the way sometimes!

This morning on my way to work, I decided I wanted to become a Blogger... I don't know why.  I'm not even sure anyone would be interested in reading about my life - or that I am even interested in reading about my life.  But I see this as a way to express myself and if it can make just one person smile by reading it, that's good enough for me.

Mini-rant... I am not forcing anyone to read my posts...they are just meant to be a fun glimpse into my life, specifically in dealing with getting ready to turn 50 in less than two years.  If you don't like what I have to say, by all means, don't read it.  Constructive criticisms are fine - but if you are going to leave mean or nasty comments, I just ask you to not bother even reading my posts.  I see so many people on YouTube and blog posts whoa re just sharing things that are happening in their lives and the comments they get from so many people are just downright mean.  I'm a firm believer that if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all...

Rant over...

OK.. so why am I sharing with you (whoever "you" may be)???  I realized the other day that I am pretty darn close to turning 50.  I don't know why that popped in my head, but it did.  Am I looking forward to reaching that milestone?  Well, yes and no.  Yes because that means that I'm still on this side of the dirt, which is good.  No because...50 seems so OLD!!!

I think that is one reason I have been making life changes over the past few years.  I have lost about 80 pounds - but the weight hasn't changed in almost 2 years.  I am in better physical shape than I ever have been - who would've thought just two years ago that I would be able to walk more than a mile without feeling like I wanted to die.  Now I regularly do 1-2 miles on the treadmill + strength training 4 days a week.  And I just completed my third 5K mud obstacle course/run.  Granted, I didn't run and my fear of heights prevented me from climbing the 6 ft walls... but I finished all of them with no injuries.  Am I sore, well of course I am - I think that is just my body's way of reminding me that yes, I am 48 years old!

Losing weight has also brought other losses, too - I no longer have sleep apnea, high blood pressure, high cholesterol and am no longer borderline diabetic.  I don't take any medications, other than ibuprofen and vitamins and no longer have to wear a CPAP machine when I sleep.

The biggest loss from my getting-in-better-shape plan?  The loss of stores like Lane Bryant!!!  I may not be in the size I want to be in and there are some things that just don't fit me well... but I can shop pretty much anywhere I want to without having to make sure they have a plus-size department.  In most cases, the sizes I buy are NOT the largest ones in the store and there are so many more options out there!

There are so many other little things that have come from this new body... I can sit with my legs crossed and not be uncomfortable.  I can snuggle with Lillie on the couch without pushing her off with my body.  Ken and I can fit comfortably in my little flip flop car without crowding each other out.  I can bend over and pick stuff up off the ground without wondering if I can get back up.  These are things that people who have not had a weight problem sometimes take for granted.  I am still amazed everytime I sit on the couch with my feet curled up under me to read - something my "before" body could never do.

There are a lot of people who have helped make this possible - my hubby and Bestie have been so encouraging and motivating every step of the way.  My daughter's compliments mean more than she will ever know.  But, I know in my heart that the only person who made this happen was ME!  I made the decision to have weight loss surgery.  I could have easily just let the surgery do it's magic and be done with it.  But I know there is no magic - and I am the one who made the commitment to add exercise to my life.  Yes, I still have my Reese's more often than I should and there are days when I just don't go to the gym cause I don't want to.  But, those are decisions that I make - no one is pressuring me to do or not do anything.

So physically at least, I am going into my next decade in way better shape than I ever thought I would be. But mentally?????