Monday, October 20, 2014

Hmmm....


Last week, it was time for my annual “girlie” exam – you women know what I’m talking about right?  I’m talking two-parter – one above the waist and one below, if you catch my drift.  

I was thinking how different my conversations with my doctor are now that I am nearing (whisper) 50.  When I first started with this doctor, I was in my mid-late 30’s and she would always ask about any concerns I might have about sex, birth control, etc.  As I moved into my 40’s, the discussion centered on my need to lose weight, etc.  Once I lost some weight, the discussion was on what type of birth control was best for a woman “of my age.”  However, this time, the primary point of discussion was menopause – how they will check it once I turn 50, what to expect, etc.  No discussion on sex, birth control, etc. – basically the message was “You are getting old…”

Next up was the Boobie Check.A few years ago, at my first exam post 80 pound weight loss, I had some spots show up in my left boobie (Lillie loves that word).  Had to go have a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound.  Turns out it was just dense tissue from the redistribution of my weight (which really means the loss of boob fat).  But, since I had that show up, I now have to have the diagnostic mammo each year, rather than the one at the Gyno office.

Today, I got a phone call from the doctor’s office that they found some spots on my right boob – probably just dense tissue again, but I have to go back in for another mammo and ultrasound next week to be sure.  Last time this happened, I worked myself up into a tizzy only to be told it was a side effect of losing weight (not too many of those actually – at least not as many as the side effects of gaining weight).

However, in the years since that time, my Mother In Law was diagnosed with breast cancer and had a double mastectomy. Plus, it is “Pink” month so everywhere you look you see Breast Cancer Awareness everything.  So, now – even though the logical side of my brain is saying not to fret – I feel another tizzy coming on.

I’ve always been fairly healthy – yes, obese and overweight – but healthy – no major diseases, no need for surgeries (broken ankle and lap band is it), I don’t even get sick very often.  I never really think about how fortunate I am that this is the case.  In fact, other than my Mother in Law (who is cancer free and doing great now BTW), no one in my immediate family has any real health issues.  It will really piss me off if I have done everything I can do to improve my health and this turns out to be something other than dense tissue!

I’m not writing this to get sympathy or anything like that – but, I think it’s important that we all take a moment to think about our health.  Are we doing everything possible to stay healthy?  Everyone “feeling their boobies” on a regular basis?  Are the men in our lives getting all of their fun exams as they should be?  Yes, I know there are things that none of us can prevent, but if we are doing everything we can (and should be doing) to ward off the things that we have a bit of control over, then maybe – just maybe – it will make us better able to deal with these unwanted, uncontrollable occurrences.




And so it goes...


My mind wanders…is that an aging thing? Perhaps – but my mind has always wandered… Maybe I have a touch of ADD… maybe I just don’t have the personal commitment to stay focused on one thing at a time.  Maybe I’m too impatient (well, there’s no Maybe there – I am very impatient)… Most likely, it’s a combination of factors that lead me to constantly jump from one project to another, from one idea to another…

I am notorious for starting a major project at home and not finishing it.  Changing seasonal clothes for instance.  Once I get all the boxes out, I realize I need to clean my closet out too… which means dragging everything out and piling it on my bed.  Then, I start with great intentions of putting everything away where it should go, removing all the things I don’t or can’t wear anymore, etc.  Halfway through, I realize I need to do a load of laundry… on the way to the laundry room, I see that the mail came so I go get it… then I decide to make some iced tea…when I finally make it back to the bedroom and the closet mess, I have zero motivation to finish it so I end up just putting everything away and shutting the door….or move things from the bed to the top of my dresser to get to them later.  But later never comes…I think you get the picture.

Similar situation at work.  Lots to do on my To-Do list.  Every morning I look at the list and prioritize it.  At the end of the day, I realize that nothing (or very few things) are checked off.  I started on several things and responded to other requests and needs from people… or my mind wandered and I spent too much time chatting, etc.  

I am also the type of person who wants to do a lot of research on a product or service or way of doing something… Pinterest, Google, YouTube, etc… all get a lot of use when I’m looking at something new – a new phone for instance.  I will read 17,000 reviews, look at videos, read about how to use it and what great things it will do.  I can tell you the differences between phones and why one is better than another.  I will finally come to the conclusion of which one I want and then – BOOM – someone mentions one I hadn’t considered…and the process starts all over again.

I waste a lot of time.

I am also very impatient.  When I want something, I want it now.  A lot of that stems from all the research and planning that I put in (see above)…but also, I just don’t like waiting for something.  Whether it’s changing phones or going on a vacation – I want it NOW!  

Same is true for my weightloss journey… When I have an especially grueling session at the gym, I expect to see results.  In my mind, I know that is ridiculous and instant results just don’t happen.  But, I still want them.  And when I don’t see the results immediately, I get discouraged.  That’s why I start off each week with the best of intentions – I’m going to workout hard every day, journal all my food intake, only eat healthy foods, etc.  By Wednesday (if I make it that long), I’m frustrated cause the scale isn’t budging or I put on a pair of pants that aren’t as loose as I’d like and I’m back to square one.  It’s silly, I know that.  I know that the changes I am making have had a life-changing effect on my health and longevity.  I know that – but I still want instant results!

Damn, I’m a needy, impatient, easily distractible person – a real joy to be around!